Thursday, March 17, 2011

Reason # 3219 Why I am not Pregnant!

The newest joke for me is when everyone keeps asking me when my next set of twins are coming. I always look at them with this blank expression like, "Did you seriously just ask me that?!"
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my twins, but if I ever have anymore I just pray that I have a singleton! I am sure it would be a breeze after having two at once, but most of all it would be nice to be able to give 1 baby all the attention instead of juggling it between two. I always feel like I am giving one more love and attention than the other, then end up having to make up for it.
But besides being extremely scared that all I can produce is twins and that I may yet have another set, I have a whole other list of reasons why we will not even begin to try for a third anytime soon!

I'm scared of pregnancy in the first place.
Having 1 pregnancy doesn't mean it gets any less scary! Specially with the chance of having another set of twins.
Twins = high risk pregnancy.
I had horrible morning sickness for 3 months, causing me to almost loose the boys.
Don't really want experience that again.
I hate the heightening of smells. *vomit*
I am extremely scared that I will have twins again.
I am afraid of giving birth naturally, or having another c-section.

I'm scared of not being able to be a good mom to the children I already have, all while trying to get through another pregnancy.
I don't think it's fair to bring another child into our family when my boys still need just as much attention, if not more than a new baby would need and would take away from them!

I don't want more children if it means we can't afford to let the ones we have do simple things like play hockey, or learn an instrument.
It is crazy expensive to raise children these days, and I want my kids to have the opportunity to do what they like!

I don't want that extra pressure on my husband.
Or for that matter, me.
I don't want my dreams, or his for his business to be put on hold.
The twins are at the age where I can manage them.
I don't want to screw that up.
We can do family activities that they enjoy and we can all do together.

I'm scared I will have a mental breakdown if I add another one to the mix.
Or that I will be a miserable S.O.B.
That I won't be able to enjoy and realize the blessings God has given me.

When I was pregnant I,
Was huge and miserable.
Couldn't move for the last month.
Hated leaving the house, which in turn made me depressed.
Missed church constantly because I hated getting dressed.
Putting on make up and doing my hair was a chore and pointless.
(Cause I still felt like a whale!)
I had no energy.
No umph.
No strength.

But one day I dream of more children.
Hopefully a little girl!
A house full of sound with laughter, the pitter patter of small feet, and wrestling.
Of screaming, cuddling, kisses and craziness.
Waking up everyday to children jumping on top of me.
Running around like a mad women to every hockey game, youth group, and school production.
With a SUV packed full of kids.
A big house on an acreage with so much room for them to run and explore.

I dream that one day we will adopt our baby girl from Thailand.
Or wherever God tells us to go.
That one day we will be sitting around with a house full of grand babies wondering where the time went and how we got so old.
Knowing that the crazy times will pass, but it was all worth it.
And that I would do it all over again.
Without a doubt.

But until that day, I will enjoy all the cuddles I get.
Steal all the kisses I can.
And enjoy being a mom to the two most gorgeous little boys in the world.
Being content in what God has given me, and this season of life that I'm in.

They are so worth everthing!

1 comment:

  1. Hi there! I found your blog on the Friday blog hop:) Love your blog, love your writing style, and I have to tell you that your boys are little charmers, for sure. God bless you, but they are gorgeous little guys!

    As the mother of all "singletons", LOL, I need to tell you that I've secretly always wanted twins! I know they are more work - I have a few friends who have twins - but I also know (or have heard) that after that first year, it gets easier. And after that second year, easier...and then it becomes easier still...and a lot of fun as the years go on. So, I figure if I can get through that first year, I should be set! (haha, I'm sure there's some behind the scenes of those older years I'm not aware of, no?)

    About having more children...your list of why you are apprehensive about it is warranted. Dividing your attention- not easy, for sure! The expense? Oh yea, you can count on that, especially once they get into sports. The pressure on your husband to provide - yep, that's something to think about. The fear of having another set of twins -- oh, can understand that for sure! And being pregnant if you do not take to pregnancy well...can be a huge stress when you have other little ones to care about. (It's not all that uncommon for mothers who have twins to wait 2 or 3 or 4 years before they have another baby, while us singletons tend to space much closer....and why is that? perhaps because we want to get them as close to "twins" as we can! go figure! lol)

    But anyways, as the mother of "many" I will say that it's so much fun having a house full of children. If I could go back, the only thing I'd do differently is have at least 2 more children in our 4 year gap between our #3 and #4 child (unfortunately, that gap wasn't planned, but just happened due to circumstances at the time) I am 41 years old now, and our youngest is 2 and a half. We had our first miscarriage last June, and then another just this maybe our baby make'n days are over. But we hope not :)

    I'm a new follower to your blog and am looking forward to getting a daily glimpse of mommy life with twin boys! Have a wonderful weekend!