My name is Kayla, and I am addicted to Facebook. I try to stop myself, but with it being so handy, (stinkin iPhone) I fall back into its trap! It's not that I think Facebook is bad. I really don't. I just find myself wasting so much time, time I could spend with my boys, read the word, wasting time rambling about crap when replying to posts that benefit no one, reading about whose dating who, whose kid did what, and where so and so is travelling to next.
On the other hand, Facebook can be super useful too! Being able to stay in contact with friends who have moved away, letting distant relatives have a chance to "meet" your children because the chance of meeting in real life is slim to none, and sharing information that could save your life! Or at the very least, your dinner ;) So as useful as Facebook can be, I also believe in using it the right way, which I seem to have missed. Over and over again...
Just over a month ago, my husband and I prayed. Not one of those "fluffy" we need change prayers, but one of those, "OK God, we are ready to listen, obey, get out of the way and let YOU move in our lives. Every aspet!" When you pray like that, be prepared to be uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable. Almost immediately, God started stripping away old layers. Finances got even tighter and we knew that He was bringing us to a place of relying on Him instead of our own strength.
I had felt Him telling me a to let go of my etsy shop. At first I resisted. I built this baby up! I was great at creating blogger templates, they were cute and sold. But, He kept quietly tapping me on the shoulder. "Let go, I am in control." You see, the profits I made from my etsy shop simply helped pay off our debt. The plan was to pay off the rest of my school loan, then my credit card, then we could save for our own home! It wasn't much, but it helped put a ding in our debt on top of working outside of the home creating a decent safety net for our family. But after our non fluffy payer, I felt the need to end it more and more. So I did, as hard as it was, I let go. "It's yours God! You know best for me, you will provide for our needs."
Two week later, it got worse. Finances weren't there. What were we going to do? Perhaps I should open back up my etsy shop. "Get out of the way." He said again.
Another two weeks go by... As hard as it was financially, both my husband and I felt that God kept telling us "push forward, ride the wave." OK, so we're not crazy, are we? As all the pressure started adding up, we both still felt like we were listening and obeying, and through it still had peace and were growing closer to God because He was the only strength we had.
About a week ago I had the thought again, "I just need to open my shop again, we have nothing extra coming in to get rid of this debt!" I was panicking. "Get out of the way, I know best." How can one argue with that? OK God, trusting you!
It's funny, from the minute I deactivated my ETSY shop, I had my doubts. They crept in constantly, the thoughts kept sticking, were we ever going to see change? It was only just over a month of closing my shop and waiting for change, when we sat down with a friend of a friend about some potential work for my husband that I started to see why God had told me to close shop. Our lives were about to get crazy busy! You see, in a matter of days, I was offered a deal, one that would be a win win for each party and have me flying to China by myself in less than a week. (This from the girl that's never travelled, little own by herself!) Its a "take a jump of faith and do something so incredibly crazy that it could change our lives forever." OR, don't take the jump, stay safe, and live the same life missing out on something great God might just have for me. I feel like God is saying, "Your choice. If you don't take the leap of faith, you have no right to complain about your life from now on when nothing changes. If you take the leap, people will not understand it. The world will call it stupidity. But the reward is great!"
So what would your choice be?
As I sit here typing this, I am still unsure of what the future holds or what it looks like. I am scared of failing, I am scared of the unknown, and I am most scared of flying half way across the world, by myself, to a county that speaks an entirely different language that I can't speak at all and leaving the three most important people in my life ever. But God keeps saying, "Go. Get out of the way, let me do my thing." So I am being obedient, and holding on for this crazy ride! I am letting go of everything God has told me to (Facebook being one) and truly walking with Him. So Bye Bye facebook, I need a break, I need to focus on my real life, and put my focus back to where it needs to be. On the one who gives me strength!
(Momma Talk Blog Hop Saturday will still be happening while I'm away, so feel free to stop by and join in! :)